My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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