Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
