need another drink. this is the easiest way
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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