Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
