Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
