brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
