The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
