I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
