I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize