i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
