So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
