I just saw a hot homeless man
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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