i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
