I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
