Plan B is the new Plan A
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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