dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
