Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
