By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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