yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
