If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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