WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
