ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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