You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
