Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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