I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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