You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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