dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
