I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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