if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
