Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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