That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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