There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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