Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
