do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
