Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
