Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
