This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
