I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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