WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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