They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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