people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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