He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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