Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
