I'm really into asian looking animals
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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