Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
