Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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