my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
