my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
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