Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
