Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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