i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
