Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
