I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
