Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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