Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you had me at cake vodka
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
