i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
