Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
