Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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