you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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