I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
