Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
