Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
