i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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