Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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