Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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