wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
