mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
