so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
