remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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