Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
