I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
