The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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