No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
