Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
