I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
