If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
